Dear diary, today's Louis' birthday. It's his 18th birthday, I think it'd be pretty amazing, it's like a remarkable milestone in life. I do wish he does find happiness sometime soon and that perhaps we'd be friends again one day.
Today, Wainee shared somethings with me that I never knew existed in her. I didn't know that her booking out from SNCO camp was unplanned, that it was because her grandpa had passed on. My impression of Kailin changed much too, she was being unreasonable but she didn't know the reason of her leaving half way through camp. It goes to show that when you're not in the know, you do things that hurt the other party so much, it tears them to bits.
When life seems to be taking a toll on you and you feel like you're breaking down and there isn't an end in sight, take comfort in the fact that an 'element' means that there's a limit as to how broken you can get.
Junhao and I had a wonderful day together. I went over to his house right after my CPBS meeting with Sir William concluded. I watched him cook up one of his creations again, and well, we even planned to take part in a photo contest. I was happy today, during the times I spent with him. We even chatted with two strangers through Omegle and he introduced me to them as his girlfriend. I thought it was really sweet of him. And my intension to tell him backfired on myself when he started saying he wants to really make himself sincere by doing things and asking me sincerely to commit to a relationship with him. Then Wainee talked to me and there came to a point where she asked about my 'boyfriend', which I guess she's referring to Kenneth. I asked Junhao what I should tell her only because some really stupid part of my brain thought she was referring to him in actual fact. But hey, if we had the answers to life, we wouldn't be going through it level by level. We'd breeze by with a freaking cheat code.
And so, in the midst of all the gloominess I was already experiencing talking to three different people, he had to interrogate me on the moody posts on my blog. I told him that I needed him to be the one that I can depend upon, not for me to be the one that he can depend on. All the time, we take turns to put down our pride and be the 'strong' one so the other knows there's something secure in this crazy world. But tonight, we were kids fighting for the right to be the weaker one.
Life makes you fear being happy. There's that feeling that when you get too happy, you're going to get a lot of the unhappy after. And then you can only tell yourself "I told you so."
I can counsel all the troubled, but who's going to be the one that's always going to be there for me? Even if such a person exists, who's going to be there for him then?
I can be strong. I can feel better at the end of the day but it's a darn long time to get to the end of the day.
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